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GAME REVIEW: Zombeer

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By Nick Durham

Zombie games are all over the place these days, and have been for a while...and they aren't going anywhere any time soon either. We get the occasional good one coming our way now and then, and on the flip side of that, we get some really bad ones...

Really...really...bad ones.

Case in point is Zombeer: a zombie-themed first person shooter that tries to inject bits of humor into otherwise run of the mill shooter elements...and it does them terribly. Very...fucking...terribly. Seriously, this game is a fucking chore. Now I should mention right now that this review is based on the Playstation 3 version of the game. I know it's on Steam for PC, and I've seen a fair amount of positive reviews for that version, so maybe the PS3 has a shitty port? I can't really say for certain, so I'll just continue onward with what I experienced on the PS3.

Anyway, Zombeer tells the tale of a beer-swigging tool bag that you play as, who awakens from a night of binge-drinking to discover that the zombie apocalypse has happened. Eventually you discover that you've been bitten, and the only thing keeping you from turning is to keep on drinking...and slaughtering the undead in the process. In the middle of all this is unfunny toilet humor (which is saying something, considering I love that shit...no pun intended) and broken mechanics on top of that, making the whole thing a fucking chore.

On top of its shitty (again, no pun intended) humor and fractured mechanics, everything in Zombeer is just so damn dull. The graphics are muddy and look like a PS2 game from 2002, the enemy AI is almost non-existent, the level layouts are head-scratching, and the whole thing is just plain fucking boring. There really isn't much of anything here I can recommend...like at all.

So yeah, Zombeer is a big bucket of fuck this shit. I downloaded it on Playstation Network on a whim because it was dirt cheap. After putting an hour into it, I can safely say I want my money back...and I only gave it an hour because I'm a fucking masochist.

Rating: 1/5

 

Posted by Alan Smithee

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