GAME REVIEW: Clown House

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Clown House is a horror game. Oh wait, I'm sorry. I spelled that wrong. Clown House is a HORRIBLE game.

The game starts up with a little insight into what's going on: You're trapped in a house with lunatic clowns due to a "MEANINGLESS REASON". Literally. That's what it says. That right there should have been a red flag. The creator didn't even care enough to take maybe ten seconds to give a reason as to why you're in a house with crazy clowns. So you (naturally) want/have to find a key to get out of the house. Around the house there are clowns. Just kinda sitting around, doing nothing. The clowns don't immediately attack you, and you can't shoot them until after they have decided to kill you. Thankfully there's a music spike to let you know you're about to be attacked, so you have more than enough time to defend yourself. The clowns are very slow. Mostly they're just lazing around, disinterested in your existence. When they attack you, it seems like they're thinking, "Hey man, it's not personal. I'm just doing my job. Look, you can still get away!" rather than "I'm a lunatic clown and I'm going kill you and wear your skin!" Oh, and the key is always in plain sight just sitting on top a dresser or another random table.

The graphics are okay, Playstation One-era looking, and in black and white. For some reason they put this weird shine on everything so it looks like everything has a layer of goo over it. You have to choose between moving forward and having the gun out, which I hate because I prefer being prepared. The set mouse sensitivity is insane, so if you do choose to play it be sure to fix that. The sound is boring, and I can barely recall anything outside of the 'hey a clown is creeping toward you' noise.


Posted by Alan Smithee

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