Food Review

Scary Good Eats-the IHOP Addams Family Breakfast

Scary Good Eats-the IHOP Addams Family Breakfast

They’re creepy and the goopy, mysterious and mooshy, they’re altogether droopy-the IHOP family breakfast!

Well, okay, its not quite that bad. But it should go without saying that when fine dining is on the mind, the International House of Pancakes (former the International House of Burgers. No really) is not what immediately comes to mind.  This is the kind of option you more likely go for when you are either in an incredible rush on a very long road trip, or it is 3 am and you are drunk out of your mind-or at least your better judgment.  This reputation has not stopped IHOP from cashing in on the anticipation of the debut of the new Addams Family, to take place later this month of October.  And so for the sake of the reader, your humble narrator chose to undergo the intestinal challenge of taking on some of this limited time menu.

Upon perusing the menu, decorated with images of the upcoming CGI cartoon, I took in the board of fair.  Among the items I was tempted by were
Wednesday’s Web-Cakes: Fluffy, signature Buttermilk pancakes topped with cupcake icing, webbed with HERSHEY’S Chocolate Syrup and topped with violet whipped topping.

Gomez’ Green Chili Omelette: Marinated pulled pork, Jack & cheddar cheeses, fire-roasted peppers and onions, and green chile verde sauce topped with sour cream.

Uncle Fester’s Chocolate Ice Scream Shake: A haunted house-made HERSHEY’S chocolate ice cream shake with violet whipped topping.

Morticia’s Haunted Hot Chocolate: Toasted marshmallow hot chocolate topped with violet whipped topping and a drizzle of HERSHEY’S Chocolate Syrup.

Kooky Kids Combo: A Wednesday’s Web-Cakes served with one scrambled egg, one bacon strip and one pork sausage link.

Although the images attached to said menu held promise, I kept my judgment in reservation. If Hannibal taught me anything, it is to always question what goes into a dish, no matter how attractive. After some consideration, I chose to opt for the Gomez Green Chili Omelette and the Wednesday Web-Cakes.  Upon my food’s arrival, my expectations promptly joined the Addams Family ancestors rotting in the graveyard outside their home.  I’ll allow the attached image to provide all the visual summary of the experience that awaited me that could possibly be asked for.

Upon carrying my fork to my mouth, I found the Wednesday Web-Cakes completely unremarkable, outside of the heart attack-inducing amount of frosting that had been slathered across the surface.  There was no particular flavor profile to these pancakes to set them aside from anything you would get at any other chain restaurant. While I’m sure the web pattern drawn into the frosting looked perfectly lovely the instant it was applied, by the time I found this short stack in front of me it was more resembling the clocks in Salvador Dali’s Persistence of Time.

The Gomez Green Chili Omelette at least looked presentable on the plate.  The green chili chunks were clearly visible in the verde sauce, promising a possibly zesty dish to come.  But upon my first bite I was overwhelmed by the unmistakable taste of artificial, rather than organic eggs. The verde sauce proved completely bland without any hint of the kind of Spanish flare you would expect from the partriarch of the Addams clan.  The pulled pork also proved tasteless, allowing the cheese flavors to completely overwhelm. Trying to find any particular flavor in this dish was harder than locating Cousin It’s face amidst his mop-like pelt.

With a final price tag of less than twenty dollars total, I can at least say the dish is not all that outrageous of a loss for what you invest. But I still walked away disappointed, feeling even less inclined than before to try any of the further Addams themed dishes that IHOP had to offer.  And so I revved up my engine and drove the old hearse home as I waited for the Addams Family revenge to hit my digestive track like Uncle Fester behind the wheel of a big rig.  Overall experience, two stars. Eat at your own risk!