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HALLOWEEN HORRORS: Trick Or Treat (1986)

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TRICK OR TREAT

Director: Charles Martin Smith

Starring: Marc Price, Tony Fields, Lisa Orgolini, Gene Simmons, and Ozzy Osbourne

 

Eddie is an outcast in his high school who is often bullied by jocks and is a total loner. He doesn't have many friends but the one thing he does have that gets him through it all is heavy metal.

He is a huge of fan of controversial (and rumored Satanist) musician, Sammi Curr who just happens to be from Eddie's own hometown and is coming home to play the High School's annual Halloween Dance. One night after writing Sammi a letter, he learns that his idol has been banned from performing at the dance. Before he even has time to react, He hears another report about how Sammi Curr has died in a mysterious and fatal fire and this news of course, tears Eddie apart.

He visits his friend, local DJ, "Nuke" to commiserate on the loss of Sammi and knowing what a massive fan Eddie was, Nuke gives him Sammi's final album "Songs In The Keys of Death". It is the only one in existence and it has never been released. Nuke explains the he has recorded it and plans to play it in tribute to Sammi at Midnight on Halloween, stating that's what Sammi's original intentions for it were anyway.

Eddie soon figures out there are hidden messages in the album and long story short, Eddie seeks some retribution on those who have bullied him and Sammi is able to come back and brings down Mayhem and chaos on his hometown.

Will Eddie be able to figure out a way to stop him before he wipes out the whole town?

Only one way to find out...

I was a mere fourteen years old when a rather loud group of friends I ran with and myself were allowed to attend this film at the theater. Alone. No parental guidance to be had. We almost got kicked out because we were reacting like jackasses to all the kills and shouting at the screen as they happened. Ah, to be young again.

Not only did I think the story was completely badass but I was also into heavy metal at that age and I fell instantly in love with Mr. Sammi Curr, the Satanic Rock God. Talk about swoon! Bestill my young, beating teenage heart! I still to this day think he's one of the sexiest dudes to ever grace the screen in a horror film. Go ahead and laugh but all you ladies of the eighties out there know I'm right.

Here's a fun fact for you: WASP frontman, Blackie Lawless was to originally play the part of Sammi Curr. Can you imagine?! No way would it have been the same movie or had the same effect on me!

For a horror film, Trick or Treat is admittedly low on scares and not very heavy on the gore but it is so much fun to watch. Seeing Eddie give those that have bullied him their just desserts was a nice sight (66 crush!!) and even though you know it isn't right, you can't help but applaud his actions.

And not only that but can we talk about how freaking awesome the soundtrack is? Holy shit Fastway killed it!! It is one of the best soundtracks in horror and I love it. It is still in constant rotation in my disc changer and now my fifteen year old son loves it also.

And here's another fun fact: Former Fastway front man is the lead singer of Flogging Molly.

Trick or Treat is one of my favorite horror films hands down, and I will watch it ANYTIME of the year but in my opinion, it definitely warrants a must watch during the Halloween season, and for me personally, it's always on Halloween night. Because of his love for the soundtrack, I plan to one day I plan to show my son this classic cinematic horror gem. Who knows, maybe it'll be THIS Halloween!

Posted by Amy Mead in MOVIE REVIEWS, REVIEWS, 0 comments
HALLOWEEN HORRORS: Strangeland (1998)

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October 2, 1998, was a time when people were still learning about the Internet and body modification was really breaking through. Director John Pieplow brings us Strangeland.

The story is about "Captain Howdy" (played by Dee Snider of rock band Twisted Sister, who also wrote and produced the film), a sadist Internet predator who invites other internet friends over for a party, where they soon meet their end.

Kevin Gage (Heat, Blow, G.I. Jane, Laid to Rest) the town sheriff is quick on the case after his daughter, played by Linda Cardellini (Grandma's Boy, Avengers: Age of Ultron, Freaks and Geeks), falls to the hands of Captain Howdy.

The chase continues to find Howdy, and the scenes of the torture with his victims and his own self mutilation are actually pretty impressive. A few scenes are actual text book history of how different cultures used different devices to either torture or elevate one to a higher sense body limitations.

Now I'm not saying its the best film ever made...it's not. At moments its actually kinda slow. But I will give Dee props on his first attempt and writing, producing and starring in....he put forth a very valiant effort. At the box office, this film actually lost money. If not for its huge impact as a cult classic...it would have been a complete bomb!

It offers a pretty impressive cast, aside from Dee Snyder, Kevin Gage and Linda Cardellini it also stars Elizabeth Pena (Jacobs Ladder, Down in the Valley, Things Behind the Sun), Brett Harrelson (The People vs. Larry Flynt, From Dusk Till Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money), Robert Englund (Nightmare on Elm Street, Wishmaster, Urban Legend, 2001 Maniacs, Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon), Amy Smart(The Butterfly Effect, Crank, Just Friends, Starsky and Hutch) and Robert Lasardo (Death Race, The Human Centipede III, Anarchy Parlor, Nip/Tuck). Now with this line up, one would expect a little more...but they only acted in it

For those head bangers out there like myself, the film did have a pretty kick fucking ass soundtrack though: Bile, Pantera, Megadeth, Coal Chamber, Anthrax, Soul Fly and Hed PE to name a few.

I can't say this is honestly on my every year must watch Halloween films...but it is always this time of year when I do think about it the most. Does that count?

I REALLY want to say better things about the film, but sadly it is what it is, a great idea, that just wasn't executed to its fullest potential.

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Posted by John Roisland in MOVIE REVIEWS, REVIEWS, 0 comments
Synapse Films Restores Dario Argento’s Tenebre

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Recently, on October 22nd, I was privileged enough to take part in a one night only screening of the most recent remaster effort by the geniuses over at Buy Diazepam Online Uk 2013, Dario Argento's Buy Valium Sleeping Tablets. The bonus features are still being worked on and the finished product is expected to be released on Blu-ray in the early part of 2016.

Every time I watch a new Synapse remaster, I am blown away and it was no different with Tenebre. It was truly stunning. I was seriously taken aback by how good it looked and I am chomping at the bit to see what the bonus features might have in store for us.

I was so taken with the quality and clarity of Tenebre that when I got home from the screening that night, I had to throw in my old copy to see the difference and I was absolutely floored. I don't know how these guys do it. Talk about talent and skill!! I have seen several of of the Synapse Film remaster efforts and I love them all. But this one? It is simply breathtaking. You really have to see it to believe it.

Synapse Films also has plans to restore two other Dario Argento films, Phenomena (aka Creepers) and Suspiria and I am beside myself with anticipation after seeing what they've done with Tenebre. I am now extremely eager to see what they do with these films. We will of course keep you up to date with the progress on those films and will share any updates as soon as we are made aware of them.

In addition to the screening there was an announcement made by The Flint Horror Collective's Chris Ringler about the fate of the Flint Horror Con. Sadly, it is no more. HOWEVER, there will be new event taking place in 2016 called The Monster Marketplace and it will be a great place for Michigan area horror fans to find all sorts of one of a kind horror creations from many local, independent artists and vendors. Rumor has it there may even be a celebrity or two, so stay tuned for info on that.

Many thanks to Synapse Films, The Flint Horror Collective, Mott Community College, and Black and Gold Film Productions for making this one night only event a reality for us. I am thrilled to have been able to show my support and participate in an event such as this and honestly cannot thank them all enough for this experience. It's not too often cool stuff happens on the horror front in Michigan. It was truly an honor and a privilege. Anyone who did not attend this event and had the means should be kicking themselves right now. Hard.

I give this remaster a 10/10 Psychotic American authors.

Posted by Amy Mead in MOVIE REVIEWS, REVIEWS, 0 comments
MOVIE REVIEW: Tales of Halloween (2015)

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TALES OF HALLOWEEN

One night. One town. Ten chilling stories.

Buy Diazepam Rectal Tubes is a anthology film in which a series of shorts are brought to us by ten directors well known horror directors. The ten stories are interwoven in that they all take place on Halloween night in a what is normally a quiet suburb but on this particular Halloween night, all hell has broken loose and the unsuspecting citizens are tormented by ghouls, monsters, and killers of all types.

The cops in this town have much more than they can handle this Halloween and there is a pretty good chance that there just may not be enough EMT's and coroners left to process the bodies by the time this night is over.

Sweet Tooth

Written and directed by David Parker

Starring Caroline Williams, Greg Grunberg, Cameron Easton and Hunter Smit

After teen babysitter and her boyfriend tell a scary story about a local urban legend to her charge, Timmy. they break the cardinal rule and eat all of Timmy's candy. Now they are fair game for "Sweet Tooth"...

The Night Billy Raised Hell

Written by Clint Sears

Directed by Darren Lynn Bousman

Starring Barry Bostick, Marcus Eckert, Sage Stewart and

After being goaded into playing a prank by his sister and her boyfriend, young Billy tries to play a trick on the devil himself and pays the ultimate price.

Trick

Written by Greg Commons

Directed by Adam Geirasch

Starring Tiffany Shepis and John F. Beach with a cameo by Rebekah McKendry

Two couples are watching a movie and passing out candy to the trick or treaters until things take a very violent turn. People are not always as they appear.

This one is the darkest of the tales and also my favorite .

The Weak and The Wicked

Written by Molly Millions

Directed by Paul Solet

Starring Keir Gilchrist, Grace Phipps, BooBoo Stewart and Noah Segan

A young man summons a demon to dispatch the three bullies who forever changed his life

Grim Grinning Ghost

Written and directed by Axelle Carolyn

Starring Lin Shaye, Alex Essoe, Barbara Crampton featuring an appearance by Stuart Gordon

A scary story told at a Halloween party soon becomes a frightening reality for one of the party-goers.

Ding Dong

Written and directed by Lucky McKee

Starring Pollyanna McIntosh and Marc Senter

And Hansel and Gretel thought they had it bad...

This Means War

Written and directed by Andrew Kasch and John Skipp

Starring James Duvall, Elissa Dowling and an appearance by Sean Clarke

What should be a friendly competition between two neighbors about who has the best Halloween decorations gets a little out of hand.

Friday the 31st

Written by Mike Mendez and Dave Parker

Directed by Mike Mendez

Starring Nick Principe

A deformed killer living in the woods meets his match when a tiny visitor becomes upset when his cries of "Trick or Treat" repeatedly go unanswered.

The Ransom of Rusty Rex

Written and directed by Ryan Schifrin

Starring Sam Whitwer and Ben Woolfe

and featuring an appearance by John Landis

Two kidnappers robbers are in for a surprise when their grand plan to abduct a rich man's kid and get the ransom goes horribly awry.

The Bad Seed

Written and directed by Neil Marshall

Starring Cerina Vincent, Pat Healy and Kristina Klebe

A hardened police woman tries to save the town from an overgrown man eating pumpkin bent on ravaging the entire town.

I am a big fan of anthology films and I was not disappointed with Tales of Halloween at all. There are so many things for the audience to love about this film. There are revered horror icons aplenty and the stories, although rather short, are a pleasant mix that range from funny and entertaining to creepy and gory, and all of them are a lot of fun to watch. I do however wish some of the stories were just a little bit darker.

The talent bank with the writers and directors alone is phenomenal but then you add in all the insane acting talent and you've struck gold.

In addition to Tales of Halloweens enormous star studded cast, with many cameos by many revered horror figures, (Joe Dante, John Landis, Barry Bostwick, John Savage, and many others) Tales of Halloween boasts quite a few homages to some of the old horror favorites, ranging from Adrienne Barbeau as the DJ helping listeners to usher in the witching hour, to a candy bar labeled "Carpenter's" rather than Hershey's, as well as many other nods to the genre we all know and love. If you are a fan of anthologies you are bound to enjoy Tales of Halloween. I know I sure did. It has definitely made its way onto my Halloween season must watch list, and I strongly recommend you see it for yourself as soon as possible. If you haven't yet, you are truly missing out on a fun watch.

I give Tales of Halloween 8/10 organic man eating pumpkins

Posted by Amy Mead in MOVIE REVIEWS, REVIEWS, 2 comments
HALLOWEEN HORRORS: Hellraiser (1987)

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Director: Clive Barker; Writer: Clive Barker (adapted from The Hellbound Heart) Stars: Doug Bradley, Ashley Laurence, Clare Higgins; Rating: R; Run Time: 94 min; Genre: Horror; Country: USA; Language: English; Year: 1987

Sexual deviant Frank (Sean Chapman) inadvertently opens a portal to hell when he tinkers with a box he bought while abroad. The act unleashes gruesome beings called Cenobites, who tear Frank's body apart. When Frank's brother Larry (Andrew Robinson) and his wife, Julia (Clare Higgins), move into Frank's old house, they accidentally bring what is left of Frank back to life. Frank then convinces Julia, his one-time lover, to lure men back to the house so he can use their blood to reconstruct himself. (Summary from IMDb.)

I honestly don't remember how old I was the first time I saw Hellraiser. It was some time in middle school. And I've seen it eleventy billion times since. It is one of my favorite movies of all time, and I don't mean just horror movies either. I can probably recite almost every line from the movie and had Pinhead as a notification alert on my cellphone (I can't lie. After several texts from a close friend, I had to change it. LOL! Pinhead was starting to creep me out!)

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I have to say, seeing Buy Generic Diazepam Uk's name on the guest list for Is Buying Valium Online Illegal In Australia last year was one of the biggest reasons I wanted to go. I was heartbroken when it became clear I couldn't afford tickets. Thanks to Buy Diazepam Actavis, I WON A GOLD PASS and was able to meet PINHEAD himself. I will full on admit, I was extremely nervous about meeting Mr. Bradley. I was a complete mess. Nervous stutter when I could speak, dry mouth and shaking like a leaf. Mr. Bradley put up with me (LOL) and was nice enough to take photos with me, autograph my DVD, and accepted my gift to him, a hand painted Pinhead Christmas ornament. I could go on and on about Doug Bradley, but that's not why we're here. Let's get back to the movie.

The scene when Frank begins to regenerate after absorbing his brother's blood through the floor boards is both totally gross and totally captivating. You can't turn away, even though you want to. And the subsequent scenes of Frank consuming the blood of the men Julia brings to the house are just as gross and captivating. The sounds effects alone are gag worthy.

I can't say I have any sympathy for Frank or Julia. Frank was a sick, mean, creepy bastard when he was alive and Julia, a cheating tramp. Who sleeps with their newly wedded husband's brother!? Ick! Dirty ho! They totally deserved each other and all of the tortures dished out by the Cenobites. It seems so fitting that Frank ended up consuming Julia.

And the Cenobites themselves, HOLY WAH! As if Pinhead wasn't terrifying enough, throw in Chatterer (Nicholas Vince), Butterball (Simon Bamford), and the female Cenobite (Grace Kirby)... Nightmare material for days! Deliciously evil and brilliant. Bravo to Clive Barker for bringing these henchmen of Hell to life.

The movie is dark, beautiful, gory and everything a good horror movie should be. Even with the 1987 special effects, it still stands up today as one of the greatest ever made. And I'm really unhappy to hear that it will be rebooted. It is a classic that needs to be left alone. Sure, make another sequel (just please, please, please do a better job than the last few), but there's no reason to reboot.

If you haven't yet seen this masterpiece, I'd really like to know what the hell you are waiting for.

10 out of 10 Cenobites Tortures

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MOVIE REVIEW: Crimson Peak (2015)

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Guillermo Del Toro definitely knows how to make a big beautiful film, but can he do a horror movie? His last ghost movie, Mama, just didn't do it for me. The wispy CGI ghosts just don't do it for me, and while it wasn’t a bad story, the ghosts bored me more than frightened me. But now he tries again with Crimson Peak.

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Crimson Peak's Jessica Chastain

Crimson Peak is a big scale Gothic ghost story starring Tom Hiddleston, Charlie Hunnam, Jessica Chastain and Mia Wasikowska (Stoker). And let's get it straight if I try and type Mia's gull name over and over I'm going to eventually fuck it up, so from now on, I'm sticking to Mia.

Mia plays Edith Cushing, the heir to her father's fortune who is haunted by the ghost of her dead mother. She finds herself, and her father's money courted by the titled, but broke, Baronet Thomas Sharp played by Tom Hiddleston (The Avengers, Thor). This doesn't sit well with her father played by Jim Beaver (Supernatural), or the president of the local biker club, whoops, local doctor and childhood friend Charlie Hunnam (Sons of Anarchy). After her father's murder, she agrees to marry Hiddleston and move to his ancestral home, known by the locals as Crimson Peak. There the hauntings continue and animosity grows between Mia and her sister in law Lucille played by Jessica Chastain (Mama). Back in America the jilted Dr. McMichael (Hunnam) investigates and finds things the good Baronet is hiding things. He rushes to Crimson Peak to save Edith, but with her health mysteriously declining and winter setting in, will he be in time?

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Mia in Crimson Peak

With Crimson Peak, Del Toro has crafted a truly beautiful film. Even his ghosts, beyond the black wispy phantoms, he has added a blood red to go with the films title and theme. The ghosts also have a bit more substance than those in Mama. As they rise out of the floor and walls of the dilapidated castle, I'll admit they made me jump a couple of times. I'm still not a big fan of the CGI ghost, buy they looked better than in Mama. They seemed to have more substance, which made them a bit more realistic and creepy.

The scenery likewise is beautiful to behold. The manor home that is falling apart and especially the white snow, dyed red by the clay that gives Crimson Peak it's name. Then add to that the cast of beautiful people in Hunnam, Hiddleston and Mia, and you have a film that is a visual treat.

But is it scary? Like I mentioned above, it actually gave me a few startles and I cant complain about that. Mostly however, Crimson Peak is a Gothic ghost story, more focused on romance and mystery than horror. It harkens back to when ghosts were more of a protective and warning spirit than an agent of chaos. While the ghosts do provide some scares, they necessarily where the horror lies in Buy Valium Sweden.

The main story here is the mystery that Buy Yellow Diazepams holds. What happened to the mother of Thomas and Lucille? What is the relationship between the two siblings and what is the secret that he desperately tries to hide from Edith? And can Jax move on from his father’s death to lead the club, wait no, another project...

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Crimson Peak ends up being a bit of a tragedy, and I wont give away any more than I have already. Go see it. It's not a grand horror movie, but it is a well acted, and beautiful ghost story with a real Gothic feel. I'm giving it 7 and ¾ stars out of 10.

Posted by Allen Alberson in MOVIE REVIEWS, REVIEWS, 0 comments
HALLOWEEN HORRORS: Dawn of the Dead (1978)

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There isn't much I can say about the original Dawn of the Dead that hasn't been said plenty of times through the decades after it was released, but fuck it, I'm going to anyway. This was the first zombie movie I had seen in my youth that I had legitimately loved from the first time I'd seen it. All these years later, it's still my go-to zombie movie not just for Halloween, but for the whole month of October.

Now I know what you're thinking right now reading that opening paragraph...what about Night of the Living Dead? Well kids, I can't deny that the original Night of the Living Dead isn't essential Halloween viewing. I mean how can it not be? It's the movie that started it all. We wouldn't have anything modern zombie-related without it. So yeah, that is a classic film and absolutely iconic as well, there's no denying that one bit, but it's Dawn of the Dead that where George Romero really hit his mark with his zombie films. No Dead film that followed can touch this, and nothing that Romero could churn out now will ever come close either.

Talking about the film's story is pretty much a moot point, we all know it. Four people barricade themselves inside a shopping mall amidst the zombie epidemic. Things are good for a while and there's a lot of social commentary and knocks against consumerism. Then a Tom Savini-led biker gang starts some shit and everything proceeds to go to hell. It sounds simple on paper, but holy shit is it so effective, even to this day.

Believe it or not, what always made Dawn of the Dead so special to me is the film's acting and characters. You actually legitimately give a shit about our four heroes (yes even asshole Flyboy) and you, surprisingly, don't want to see them die. Romero's films have always had acting that was all over the map in terms of solid performances and over the top screen chewing (no pun intended), but here all four actors (Ken Foree, Gaylen Ross, David Emge, and Scott Reiniger) are wonderful. Savini's makeup effects and zombie makeup haven't aged all that well (Day of the Dead would be his crowning achievement in makeup and gore effects), but they still pack a punch when all the gut-munching commences towards the film's climax. And oh yeah, how could I forget that iconic music score by Goblin?

So yeah, Dawn of the Dead has a special place in my heart, and not just because it's my favorite zombie movie to watch this time of year either. It's my favorite horror film of all time, and one of my all time favorite films of any genre ever. I can watch this any day of the week, any week of the month, any month of the year. I never get tired of seeing it, and I never fucking will either.

Rating: 5/5

Posted by Nick Durham in MOVIE REVIEWS, REVIEWS, 0 comments
MOVIE REVIEW: Creeper (2012)

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Directed by Buy Apaurin Diazepam and released in 2015 by Unearthed Films, Online Valium Review finds a group of women fed up with skeezy Internet pervs heavy breathing over them like an eight dollar beach raft, so they decide to teach one of their unlucky admirers a lesson through physical degradation. But when humiliation goes too far, who is really the victim?

The beginning of the film starts off in full gear as a girl wakes up in a metal dog crate completely naked and disoriented. As she tries to regain her senses, a zip line attached to the cage pulls taut across the lake where the crate is banked. It rapidly pulls her under the water as she screams bloody murder. Welcome to What-the-fucksville; population: You.

As you come to find out, the series of events that lead to this scene are as follows:

1) Buxom, clothing-impaired typical slasher victims tire of Internet pervs and create a plan to find one special perv and punish him thoroughly (cue Jerry).
2) Humiliating Jerry is no longer cutting it, so the plan turns to ridding the world of Jerry and his 1980s youth pastor haircut via good ol' fashioned murdering.
3) Murder of Jerry is botched worse than a home abortion, and now Jerry is loose and ready to do more than just watch (perhaps with pants still off though).
4) Torture traps and mind games galore, survival of the fittest (or with the girls being nude the majority of the film, it's more like survival of the tittest).

As far as Jerry's revenge, some of the torture lacks the real impact that you'd be expecting, so many times you think that something gruesome has happened beforehand (i.e. decapitated head in a box), but are quickly let down by reality (the head is still attached to the victim who is only covered in blood and buried up to her neck and very much alive). The traps set are mostly explosives or Jerry driving after them in a jeep like a psycho designated driver during beach week. The kills are handled by the same CGI-kill-blood-splatter on the camera effect which leaves a good bit to be desired in the gore department. All in all, it had good ideas but relied too heavily on "Let's explode stuff with a CGI grenade effect!". Shoving a victim’s face into a canned chili fueled shit bucket (latrine) shouldn't have been a highlight (commendable though).

In conclusion, the acting in Creeper is pretty solid for an Indie horror, and the dialog and cat-and-mouse appeal are highly enjoyable. Unfortunately, the torture and actual revenge didn't deliver quite like the opening scene promised. If the imagery would've been as gruesome as the tension that built throughout the movie, this movie would've been perfect, but like a hand job from an amputee...it just wasn't there.

Score: 4/10

-Travis

Posted by Travis Love in MOVIE REVIEWS, REVIEWS, 0 comments
HALLOWEEN HORRORS: Satan’s Little Helper (2004)

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Satan's Little Helper is a movie that should be regarded as a Halloween classic. Set on Halloween, mask wearing, trick or treating, and other Halloween traditions figure in heavily in the movie. It also stars the most annoying kid this side of The Babadook. Meet Dougie, and believe me he is one annoying little shit. But just like in The Babadook, it's the child's annoying habits and personality that help propel the movie along.

Directed by Jeff Lieberman (Squirm), Satan's Little Helper stars Amanda Plummer (Pulp Fiction) and the gorgeous Katheryn Winnick (Vikings), along with Alexander Brickel as Dougie. Now little Dougie is obsessed with two things, going Trick or Treating with big sister Jenna (Winnick) and playing his favorite video game - Satan's Little Helper.

Halloween for Dougie goes wrong almost from the start when Jenna comes home from college, bringing along boyfriend Alex. This spoils his plans for a night out alone with his sexy sister, and a big kibosh on his plans to someday marry her. OK maybe that's a bit weird, but let's roll with it. Dougie in a snit storms off. Then things seem to look up as he runs across a man in a demon mask positioning dead bodies to appear to be Halloween decorations. Dougie mistakes the man as Satan from his video game, but actually he's an psychotic lunatic, and asks to tag along and be his helper for real. As Satan and Dougie wreck havoc across town, it's all good Halloween fun in the kid’s eyes. Until he takes Satan home.

I really love Satan's Little Helper. It's a horror comedy that takes itself just seriously enough to work. It has it's silly moments, and a couple of scenes that push your ability to suspend your belief. However, if you accept that little Dougie is a naive, annoying kid with horrible judgment and just go along for the ride, it works.

Even though it's a horror comedy, all the actors play it straight and the comedy comes from Dougie's horrible decisions and trust. But it does something that a lot of horror comedies don't manage. It manages to actually be a horror movie. There are some scenes that are down right skin crawl creepy. And when Satan reveals just how evil he really is to little Dougie, the laughs stop.

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Katheryn Winnick in Satan's Little Helper

Amanda Plummer plays Dougie's mom, and she's awesome as usual. Her character seems to be supportive of Dougie's love for Halloween, but really she's just too wrapped up in herself to pay any attention to what he's doing. Ninety percent of the mayhem in Satan's Little Helper springs from the fact no one is really paying any attention to Dougie. Even when he starts palling around with a tall man in a Satan mask. Katheryn Winnick is stunning as big sister Jenna, and she shows some moments of true tenderness to her irritating little brother. If you are a fan of The History Channel's Online Valium Australia, you wont want to miss the future Lagertha in this early role.

The star of the show, though, is Satan. He steals scenes over and over with his comedic gestures and sense of humor, even as he's committing bloody murder. He's just fun to watch. Not as fun as Winnick, but he's a hoot.

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There are some gory and intense moments, so don't let the horror comedy moniker catch you off guard. There are also some hilarious turns that will have you splitting your side. Note to the religious, there are some scenes that could be considered blasphemous or sacrilegious. This all leads up to an ending that you will probably see coming, but that doesn't stop it from being effective.

So have a Happy Halloween everyone, enjoy the festivities, watch Satan's Little Helper, and don't let your son hang around with mysterious masked devils.

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MOVIE REVIEW: Poltergeist (2015)

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The Bowens are a family of five, consisting of Mom (Amy), Dad (Eric), and three kids (Kendra, Griffin, and Madison). They move into a new suburban home due to some financial woes and the children do not seem pleased about it. Meanwhile, Eric and Amy appear as though they are under a great deal of stress.

Almost immediately strange things begin happening within their new home. Strange noises in the walls, the electricity keeps flickering, cell phones are burning out, and there are "people" appearing in the TV talking to the youngest member of the family, little Madison. The whole family wakes up and Madison announces that "They" are here and the family soon discovers that the cemetery was "moved" when their subdivision was built, which of course, it wasn't. Their house does indeed rest upon the unmoved bodies, but they don't know that. Yet.

Shortly after moving into their new home, Eric and Amy attend a dinner party one night, leaving the three children at home, and in short order, Madison is lured to her bedroom closet and taken by unseen entities, clown dolls are coming to life, and trees are attacking poor Griffin, while a viscous goo seeps out of the floor, sprouting hands and attacking Kendra. It seems as though the attacks were a diversion by the spirits so that they would be able to get to Madison alone and lead her into the spirit world with them. Eric and Amy return home to find Madison missing and, after hearing her voice emanating from within the television, the family are forced to seek help from paranormal experts to find out if there is a way to get Madison back to her family where she belongs.

If you've seen the original, you pretty much know the rest, and how it all shakes out for the most part...

Poltergeist 2015 is an extremely watered down version of the beloved Tobe Hooper classic from 1982, that had almost no scares, thrill, or apprehension to it whatsoever. The scares are weak and seriously lacking in tension. It's almost as if the producers were holding so fast to that precious PG-13 rating that they forgot there was supposed to be a certain element of fear involved, making for a far less dramatic impact. I felt like there was no art behind it, they were just here for the cash cow that remakes invariably seem to be.

The acting is pretty much the only thing that wasn't a complete let down in Poltergeist 2015. There were some damn good performances, particularly from the younger cast members, ALMOST making it worth a one time watch. ALMOST.

I am not usually a remake snob and am generally willing to give almost anything a chance...This is one where I wished I hadn't watched it at all, let alone for $7.99 on VOD. But watch it I did, and I fucking HATED it. I should have known better, but for whatever reason (I think it must have been due to Sam Raimi's involvement), I had to see how big of a trainwreck it was. And holy shit, was it ever. I still want my time and money back and it's been a week.

There was nothing about this film that resonated with me in any way, shape, or form. Even going in expecting next to nothing, I was still a bit disappointed. One of the reasons I don't bitch too much about the endless stream of remakes is because I believe that they have the potential to gain the original films new followers. This version was so extremely unentertaining that I just don't see that happening.

Give me the brilliant Tobe Hooper version over this pointless, steaming pile of crap any day of the week. It's the only one worth watching.

I give this one 3/10 and that's only because I crush on Sam Rockwell and I am in a good mood.

Posted by Amy Mead in MOVIE REVIEWS, REVIEWS, 0 comments
HALLOWEEN HORRORS: Rosemary’s Baby (1968)

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Pregnancy is scary. There's the whole body changing thing like you're in some kind of body horror movie lite. Seriously, do a Google search of the things people don't tell you about being pregnant. While your body is changing, it can also turn against you with a number of things - aches, pains, crazy hormones, acne and even extra saliva. It's kind of like puberty on expert mode. Oh yeah and then there's the fact that you have a HUMAN cultivating inside of you. It seems like a really weird time in a woman's life.

Now if you have all of that insanity going on and you add in a bit of I think my neighbors want to sacrifice my baby to Satan, you're going to have a bad time. Especially when your husband stops listening to you about your worries, and you slowly start to realize that everyone around you is in on it. Oh, and then you find out how insanely selfish and inconsiderate your husband is. Guy was trying so hard for the worst husband in horror award.

Rosemary's Baby is one of my favorites because it's so well done. The acting is amazing. Every time I watch it I always talk shit to the husband [Guy]. There's a part in the movie when he's trying to convince Rosemary that their neighbors were not doing Satan Coven things by saying, “Dr. Shand happens to play the recorder”. BULLSHIT, Guy! No adult plays the recorder unless specifically doing it for Satan. [The same reason children play the recorder.]

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John Cassavetes [Guy] plays a smug, self-centered ass hat a little bit too well. Mia Farrow plays the timid house wife Rosemary perfectly. She portrays Rosemary's worries and terror so well that you feel like you're watching her actually going through it. Ruth Gordon plays the elderly neighbor, Minnie Castevet, and Sidney Blackmer plays her husband, Roman Castevet. Together they make the most inconspicuous elderly couple. You would never know they were Satanists. In the end when it finally comes out Minnie [Ruth Gordon] is so blasé about it that it is kind of comical. Roman [Sidney Blackmer] however, gets a little out of hand with his GOD IS DEAD, SATAN LIVES exclamation. Which are the exact two different ways I think a Satanist [devil worshipers not LaVey's] would react to being discovered.

[Extra tidbit Mia Farrow was the one who cut her hair that short, not Vidal Sassoon.]

*I'm guessing, it seems scary to me.

Posted by Margeaux DeMott in HALLOWEEN, MOVIE REVIEWS, REVIEWS, SATANIC/DEMONIC, 0 comments
BLU-RAY REVIEW: Eaten Alive (1980)

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When you find a movie called Eaten Alive, there's probably two thoughts as to what kind of movie it is that pop in your head: is this a cannibal movie, or is it a fucking porno? Wait what? There is a cannibal movie called Eaten Alive? Okay, that makes sense I guess. What else is it? There's like over a hundred porno movies that have some variation of the phrase Eaten Alive in it? Okay, that makes sense too I guess. No matter what type of Eaten Alive strikes your fancy, I think you'd be better off with either the cannibal one, or any of the porno ones, than you would be with this fucking thing.

Anyway, Eaten Alive is Tobe Hooper's 1977 follow up to his landmark smash hit The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. Only instead of revolving around chainsaw-wielding inbred hillbilly cannibal maniacs, this revolves around...well, inbred hillbilly maniacs and a giant fucking crocodile. The crocodile lives next door to a run down hotel owned by the mentally deranged Judd (Neville Brand), who often supplies the croc with fresh victims of those that cross his path. We get to meet a variety of people, including a fucked up couple (William Finley and Hooper's The Texas Chain Saw Massacre lead Marilyn Burns) and a dude named Buck (a pre-A Nightmare on Elm Street Robert Englund) that likes to do stuff that begins with the letter F and ends with -uck.

Okay, let's just get this out of the way: Eaten Alive is a terrible movie. I know this film has its fans, but holy fucking hell I can't stand this flick. Usually I wholeheartedly enjoy this kind of shit, but there's always been something about Eaten Alive that has rubbed me the wrong way. Whether it's the overall tone of the film to the fact that when compared to the magic Hooper made with The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, this thing just can't compare. It almost comes off as being an ill-conceived parody of monster movies and backwoods living...without any laughs. Plus, it just drags on and on and on and feels like that it is NEVER going to end.

Now I could spend all day shitting on this movie, but I won't, because somehow this managed to get a wonderful Blu-ray release. Arrow Films, whom I worship day and night, has provided Eaten Alive with a fantastic physical media release here, more than this fucking movie deserves. The film's picture and sound have been remastered, a commentary by one of the film's writers and a couple actors (curiously nothing on the commentary from Tobe Hooper or Robert Englund), a new introduction from Hooper, new and vintage interviews with Hooper, Englund, and Marilyn Burns, and a featurette about the story of Joe Ball; the real-life Texas bar owner that the film is loosely based upon. Yes, Arrow has packed in a shitload of features for this fuckfest for some odd reason, don't ask me why.

To wrap things up here, I really dislike Eaten Alive something fierce. That being said, if you are a fan of this film, this Blu-ray release from Arrow Films is definitely worth picking up just for the special features alone. There's no denying that Arrow has given this film a treatment that it really doesn't deserve, but if you somehow enjoy this flick, by all means pick this release up. For the rest of us, we can keep pretending this movie never happened, just like Tobe Hooper has been pretending the past few films he's directed never happened either.

Rating: 2/5 (but the Blu-ray is super-mega-crocodile-tits)

Posted by Nick Durham in MOVIE REVIEWS, REVIEWS, 0 comments
MOVIE REVIEW: Old 37 (2015)

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Director: Alan Smithee; Writers: Paul Travers (Story), Paul Travers, and Joseph Landes (Screenplay); Stars: Kane Hodder, Bill Moseley, Brandi Cyrus; Genre: Horror, Slasher; Run time: 81 min.;Rated: NR; Language: English; Country: USA; Year: 2015

You've just been in a horrible car accident. You call for help and wait for the ambulance to arrive. You are cold, scared, and the next words you hear are, "Don't worry, I'm a paramedic." From anyone other than Darryl, these words would be a relief. It sucks to be you...

Darryl (Buy Genuine Valium Online, The Devil's Rejects, Repo! The Genetic Opera) and his brother, Jon Roy (Buy Diazepam India, Hatchet, Friday the 13th Parts VII - X) work the back roads, in their father's old ambulance, intercepting 911 calls in an area with few emergency response personnel. Rather than provide assistance to the accident victims, the brothers conduct medical/torture experiments in their ER inside a junk yard. Throw in a group of shallow, rotten teenagers with murderous secrets of their own, a case of mistaken identity, revenge, and you have the makings of a great horror flick.

Throughout the film, the viewer learns more of the backstory of these two backwoods wanna be doctors, via flashback scenes. Abusive, murdering father, enabling mother...all leading to the birth of a creepy, sadistic, serial killer. And I'm not kidding when I say Darryl is a creepy bastard. He took over where his father left off, and man, did he raise the bar in being an asshole. This role, in my opinion, could only be played by Bill Moseley. Anyone else wouldn't have been believable and have been able to take it to the levels Moseley does. If you liked Moseley as Otis Firefly, you will enjoy him as Darryl. No, Darryl is NOT a rehash of Otis, they are just very similar in their intensity and cruelty.

While in the beginning Jon Roy seems to be an enthusiastic participants in the murders, as the movie progresses, we learn Jon Roy is another of Darryl's victims. Throughout the movie he endures verbal abuse and bullying from Darryl. It doesn't change the fact that he is a big beast of a man and ready to kill you. He is a man of few words and many violent actions, but still manages to gain the viewer's sympathy as flashback scenes continue. Another BRAVO to casting for this role. Kane Hodder is perfect! Intimidating, menacing, hulk of a guy...He's terrifying, yet still able to elicit sympathy from the viewer.

The kill scenes are brutal but not overly so. Just the right amount of gore combines with great acting (from the whole cast) and a great story. Don't think for even a second that it is tame. I legit gagged during a few scenes and it's pretty tough to make me do that while watching a movie. I also want to give props to the Best Valium Online production crew. From the sets to the cinematography, the film is a visual treat. It's dark and creepy, but not overdone. It's believable, and creepy as hell!

I don't want to give away anymore than I already have, but trust me, you should see this film. I can honestly say it is one of the best I have seen in a while. A big thank you to the cast and crew for not making me regret advance ordering this movie.

Final Verdict: 9.5 out of 10 deranged paramedics

Posted by Machete Von Kill in MOVIE REVIEWS, REVIEWS, 0 comments
MOVIE REVIEW: The Stranger (2014)

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**Be warned before you start reading that spoilers are ahead.
Don't say I didn't warn you.**

The first thing I noticed about The Stranger, besides the fact that Eli Roth's name is plastered all over the cover art and titles (he served as a producer), is that it manages to be a unique take on the vampire genre. Well, unique in the way that many films that have Eli Roth's name attached to them (Aftershock, Clown) are, yet end up never quite reaching that promise that they show at first glance, and end up being nothing much to write home about. The Stranger sadly manages to keep up that trend of promise and eventual disappointment.

The story of The Stranger revolves around a mysterious man (Cristobal Tapia Montt, who possesses quite an epic beard) searching for his wife (Eli Roth's main squeeze and The Green Inferno star Lorenza Izzo) in a small town, only to manage to piss off everyone he comes in contact with, including a super dirty cop and his criminal son, as well as a young man who he may have more in common with than he thought. That's pretty much the whole gist of the film: dude comes to town, shit happens, blood flows, bodies pile up, predictable ending. All that is The Stranger in a nutshell.

Now the one thing that The Stranger does have going for it is how it treats the tried and true spirit of vampirism. Instead of the typical blood-thirsty and seductive creatures that want to live forever on the blood of their victims, vampirism is treated as more of a virus that the titular lead character wants to completely eradicate off the face of the Earth along with everyone who suffers from it, including himself. That's a relatively welcome change of pace I have to admit. That being said though, our lead character is unsympathetic and just plain dull, along with the rest of the entire cast. Things move at a snail's pace and the overall affair is just plain boring. There are a few shock moments here and there, and they are welcome, but it doesn't change the fact that the film as a whole is pretty much a bore from beginning to end.

So yeah, The Stranger continues that trend of Eli Roth-produced movies that fail to really deliver. It isn't necessarily awful or anything, and it isn't without its positives, but it isn't nearly anything special or even all that interesting. Check it out if you need some assistance falling asleep.

Rating: 2/5

Posted by Nick Durham in MOVIE REVIEWS, REVIEWS, 0 comments
HALLOWEEN HORRORS: City of the Living Dead (1980)

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Anyone who knows me knows that I love my Italian horror. Namely Ordering Valium Online films. I'm a Fulci girl all the way and no Halloween could or would ever be complete without a full on Fulci marathon. Unfortunately, I do not have time to write up his entire library of work so I had to narrow it down and choose one of my favorites, City of the Living Dead (AKA The Gates of Hell).

I was just nine years old when this masterpiece hit the theaters but it wouldn't be until my late teens that I would discover this cinematic gem, and Fulci in general, (thus giving birth to a lifelong love and appreciation for the "Godfather of Gore").

This is definitely one of the Fulci films that is loaded with the carnage and gore he is known for, and I love it! I mean, what's not to love about someone nearly being buried alive and then nearly taking a pick axe to the face while being rescued? And then we have people puking up their intestines and another being viciously murdered by way of a drill to the head, brain squeezing and eye bleeding?! SOLD. Give me ALL the gore.

For me, personally, no one else can capture that feeling of dread and panic, or open the very gates of hell quite the way Fulci could, and you get some of Fulci's most entertaining work in this film. The gore alone can't be beat.

Then you add the lovely Catriona MacColl (The Beyond) and frequent collaborator Fabio Frizzi's contribution with the ultra moody soundtrack, which is as always, brilliant and throw in some really inventive lighting and creative set design. It all adheres nicely and really comes together in setting the tone of this unsettling, apocalyptic nightmare. Fulci's knack for seeing the big picture and bringing it all together is truly insane.

If you are looking for something seriously creepy, atmospheric and gory, look no further. I know that most of our readers have already seen this film, as well as most of Fulci's other work, but all you newcomers out there need to seek this one out for some holiday viewing. And if you've already seen it, perhaps it's time to re-visit this old favorite. It's a perfect Halloween watch that gets watched in my house religiously every season.

Rating 8/10 suicidal priests

Posted by Amy Mead in MOVIE REVIEWS, REVIEWS, 0 comments
MOVIE REVIEW: Lovely Molly (2011)

MOVIE REVIEW: Lovely Molly (2011)

By Amy Mead

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Directed by: Eduardo Sanchez

Starring: Gretchen Lodge, Johnny Lewis, and Alexandra Holden

Lovely Molly begins with a girl filming herself apologizing to everyone for her actions and attempting to slit her throat on camera... The next time we see this girl, it is on her wedding day and she seems much happier.

Soon after her small, quiet wedding, newlywed and former junkie Molly Reynolds moves into her childhood home with her new husband Tim. All too soon painful and terrifying memories begin to surface and Molly becomes haunted by some unseen event of the past and strange things are happening in the house.

Something tragic happened to Molly and her sister Hannah in this house and it's almost as if Molly's presence in her father's old home has awakened something. It's never outright spoken but it is alluded to several times that maybe Molly and Hannah were molested and/or beaten by their father, who was apparently, a very sick man. It is also hinted at that perhaps Hannah was forced to murder him to protect Molly and herself.

Something ominous, mysterious, and increasingly terrifying is taking shape, and taking hold of Molly. And whatever it is seems bent on destroying the life that Molly has worked so hard to rebuild after her addiction and multiple relapses. A malevolence seems to be stalking her, building in its intensity and shredding her fragile hold on sobriety and sanity, endangering all those she cares about. And herself.

Her husband Tim's work often takes him away for fairly long stretches and Molly is left alone in the old isolated house. She begins hearing things. Voices and whispers and footsteps, which sends her into a rapid decline of madness, psychosis, and depravity. She claims her father is still in the house and that he talks to her.

Every aspect of her life is soon affected by these events. She loses her job after being shown by her boss some CCTV footage of herself in what looks like a full on sexual assault...but she is completely alone.

Every day, Molly's behavior becomes more and more erratic. Culminating in violence and murder and a very unnerving final image and the disappearance of Molly.

The audience is left to wonder if these things were actually happening to Molly or if it is all a product of a delusional and broken mind...

 

There is much to like as this film as there is to NOT like but surprisingly, I rather enjoyed it. I am generally not a fan of what can be considered lazy, haphazard filmmaking but there was just something about this and Sanchez's direction that really worked for me. There is a feeling of intense creepiness and for the entire run of the film, I found myself unable to relax. Most of that, however, is due to the acting talent of Gretchen Lodge who truly shines in the titular role.

Love it or hate it, I am a huge fan of The Blair Witch Project, so when I heard about this newest Eduardo Sanchez film, Lovely Molly, I was totally in. And much like with The Blair Witch Project, I was sucked right into the storyline and spent more hours than I care to admit trying to decipher any and all hidden meanings within the film. Sanchez made me feel as though there were many.

Many people have railed against this film because of the open ended climax that leaves much to the viewer's interpretation but I rather enjoy all the questions I had in my head after the credits rolled. Every time I watch the film, I find something, some little tidbit, that I missed on the first couple of viewings. This is definitely one I couldn't get out of my head and I have watched it several times just trying to catch all the little nuances and subtleties within the film.

While I really enjoy this creepy little horror mystery and found it to be right up my alley, it is definitely not for everyone. If you did not enjoy any of Eduardo Sanchez's other horror efforts, you might do well to stay away from this one.

I give it 7/10 Horse Head Demons

Posted by Amy Mead in MOVIE REVIEWS, PARANORMAL, REVIEWS, 0 comments
MOVIE REVIEW: We Are Still Here (2015)

MOVIE REVIEW: We Are Still Here (2015)

By Nick Durham

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It's really not every day that you hear about a movie coming out that claims itself to be a tribute to the films of Lucio Fulci, but that is something We Are Still Here claims itself to be, and it's easy to see why. Written and directed by Ted Geoghegan, this is a surprisingly pretty damn good little horror dirge that not only pays a nice tribute to the films of Fulci, but manages to stand on its own as a very worthwhile haunted house trip.

The film takes place in 1979 as an older couple (Re-Animator and From Beyond babe Barbara Crampton and Andrew Sensenig) moves to their newly purchased New England home following the death of their son. The grieving mother believes their new home to be inhabited by the spirit of their deceased son, but it doesn't take too long to realize that isn't the case, and it isn't just the haunted house that winds up causing the most trouble for our couple either. While all of that may sound a tad predictable, what unfolds ends up being kind of surprising, in a good way that is.

As I said before, We Are Still Here fashions itself on being a Fulci tribute, and in that regard it works pretty good. There is heavy atmosphere and inventive camerawork and scene boxing, along with a surprising amount of blood-letting as we hit the film's climax when shit starts hitting the proverbial fan. All of this happens in a brisk 83-minute run time, which I have to admit ends up being a perfect run time. If We Are Still Here was any longer, it would end up losing its luster and appeal; something which some Fulci films ended up doing in spite of themselves (I'm looking at you A Lizard in a Woman's Skin). The acting is pretty great (our good friend Larry Fessenden is here as the hippie husband to Lisa Marie's psychic friend of the couple) and the effects work is fucking wonderful as well.

All in all, We Are Still Here offers enough in terms of spookiness, atmosphere, and bloodshed to rightfully claim its place as being a Lucio Fulci tribute. It isn't anything too special, but it manages to be massively enjoyable for what it is, and you shouldn't have any problems eating this up. Check it out if you're looking for a well-crafted and brisk thrill.

Rating: 4/5

Posted by Nick Durham in MOVIE REVIEWS, REVIEWS, 0 comments
HALLOWEEN HORRORS: John Carpenter’s The Thing (1982)

HALLOWEEN HORRORS: John Carpenter’s The Thing (1982)

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Director: John Carpenter; Writers: Bill Lancaster (screenplay), John W. Campbell Jr. (short story "Who Goes There?"); Stars: Kurt Russell, Wilford Brimley, Keith David; Rating: R; Run Time: 109 min; Genre: Horror | Sci-Fi; Country: USA; Language: English; Year: 1982

As most horror fans already know, John Carpenter's The Thing received deeply mixed reactions at its theatrical release in 1982, but has amassed one of the largest cult followings in the decades since. Information on this can be found easily, so this review will not dwell on this aspect. However, it is worth noting that the creature was so groundbreaking that it was nearly impossible to describe without sounding silly – at least at the time. In fact, Rob Bottin's description of his vision for the creature, while intriguing to Carpenter, needed to be set down on storyboards before Carpenter was sold on the idea. For this reason, John Carpenter's The Thing needs another theatrical release to enable people to enjoy it on the big screen. Perhaps it should even be shown in theaters once a decade. Or year.

John Carpenter's The Thing is a watershed film for several reasons, not the least of which are the top notch effects by Rob Bottin. While Stan Winston's group made the dog Thing, he is adamant that all know the effects were Bottin's baby and he was just called in to help. This is remniscent of Howard Hawks insistence that The Thing From Another World was Christian Nyby's direction alone – an apt comparison since Carpenter's masterpiece is, itself, an homage to The Thing From Another World (as well as a more faithful yet modernized adaptation of John W. Campbell's “Who Goes There?”). In addition to the effects, the paranoia and claustrophobic nature of being at a camp in Antarctica in winter is so effective that the audience begins to experience it. We feel as if we are just as trapped and just as helpless as the people at US Outpost 31. We have nowhere to go except to ride this pony to the finish line as we watch pull ahead and watch the others fall away. Having an all male cast was also brilliant. It creates a feeling of pent up frustration. If the movie had smell-o-rama, we would undoubtedly smell exactly what is described in the opening of the original short story, which begins with the Thing already in camp:

The place stank. A queer, mingled stench that only the ice-buried cabins of an Antarctic camp know, compounded of reeking human sweat, and the heavy, fish-oil stench of melted seal blubber. An overtone of liniment combated the musty smell of sweat-and-snow-drenched furs. The acrid odor of burnt cooking fat, and the animal, not-unpleasant smell of dogs, diluted by time, hung in the air.

Lingering odors of machine oil contrasted sharply with the taint of harness dressing and leather. Yet, somehow, through all that reek of human beings and their associates—dogs, machines, and cooking—came another taint. It was a queer, neck-ruffling thing, a faintest suggestion of an odor alien among the smells of industry and life. And it was a life-smell. But it came from the thing that lay bound with cord and tarpaulin on the table, dripping slowly, methodically onto the heavy planks, dank and gaunt under the unshielded glare of the electric light.

Added to this, of course, would be the unmistakable smells of ejaculate and marijuana, for there is no way those men were stationed up there that long without masturbating. We see marijuana being smoked in the film, but the greenhouse that Childs (Keith David) and Palmer (David Clennon) tended was cut from the final release for a number of reasons.

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The cast. It's difficult to convey just how perfect this ensemble is. Every character is perfectly cast, with each actor bringing pathos and realism to his role, thereby creating characters which feel thoroughly developed even though we only see them for a couple of days of their lives. R.J. MacReady (Kurt Russell) is a strong, no-nonsense, tough helicopter pilot with whom everyone wants to have a drink. Dr. Blair (Wilford Brimley) is the scientist able to put the good of Earth first. Dr. Copper (Richard Dysart), who is determined to help the Norweigans at the nearby camp, feels like a real doctor – and one that someone might actually want to visit. Skating cook Nauls (T.K. Carter) brings youth and freshness to a cast full of older men. Clark (Richard Masur), the dog handler, is more than sympathetic, and the audience truly feels his pain when the something happens to the dogs. Likewise Vance Norris (Charles Hallahan), George Bennings (Peter Maloney), Captain Garry (Donald Moffat), Fuchs (Joel Polis), and radio operator Windows (Thomas Waites) all seem like real people, people who might live next door or go to the same gym as you do.

The Siberian Huskies. Siberian Huskies are some of the most, if not the most, majestic and handsome dogs. While all of the Huskies in the film are well trained, Jed, who plays the lead Husky in the film, is the unequaled stand out. Jed was a wolf-dog hybrid, with the wolf side dominant, so his owner/trainer remained on set whenever Jed was being filmed. In fact, when Jed was acting, sets would be closed and this wolf intensity shows through as the Dog Thing, amping up the creep factor geometrically.

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John Carpenter's direction cannot be dismissed as it is what brought all these elements together to create the perfect horror movie. There is not a single note out of place, from Copper's nose ring and full frontal in the hall to Let's Make A Deal on videotape, from the Norwegians to the Huskies, and from MacReady to Garry to the Thing itself – this movie is a not only a phenomenal horror film, it's a damn good movie all the way around.

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By Woofer McWooferson

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Director: John Carpenter; Writers: Bill Lancaster (screenplay), John W. Campbell Jr. (short story "Who Goes There?"); Stars: Kurt Russell, Wilford Brimley, Keith David; Rating: R; Run Time: 109 min; Genre: Horror | Sci-Fi; Country: USA; Language: English; Year: 1982

As most horror fans already know, John Carpenter's The Thing received deeply mixed reactions at its theatrical release in 1982, but has amassed one of the largest cult followings in the decades since. Information on this can be found easily, so this review will not dwell on this aspect. However, it is worth noting that the creature was so groundbreaking that it was nearly impossible to describe without sounding silly – at least at the time. In fact, Rob Bottin's description of his vision for the creature, while intriguing to Carpenter, needed to be set down on storyboards before Carpenter was sold on the idea. For this reason, John Carpenter's The Thing needs another theatrical release to enable people to enjoy it on the big screen. Perhaps it should even be shown in theaters once a decade. Or year.

John Carpenter's The Thing is a watershed film for several reasons, not the least of which are the top notch effects by Rob Bottin. While Stan Winston's group made the dog Thing, he is adamant that all know the effects were Bottin's baby and he was just called in to help. This is remniscent of Howard Hawks insistence that The Thing From Another World was Christian Nyby's direction alone – an apt comparison since Carpenter's masterpiece is, itself, an homage to The Thing From Another World (as well as a more faithful yet modernized adaptation of John W. Campbell's “Who Goes There?”). In addition to the effects, the paranoia and claustrophobic nature of being at a camp in Antarctica in winter is so effective that the audience begins to experience it. We feel as if we are just as trapped and just as helpless as the people at US Outpost 31. We have nowhere to go except to ride this pony to the finish line as we watch pull ahead and watch the others fall away. Having an all male cast was also brilliant. It creates a feeling of pent up frustration. If the movie had smell-o-rama, we would undoubtedly smell exactly what is described in the opening of the original short story, which begins with the Thing already in camp:

The place stank. A queer, mingled stench that only the ice-buried cabins of an Antarctic camp know, compounded of reeking human sweat, and the heavy, fish-oil stench of melted seal blubber. An overtone of liniment combated the musty smell of sweat-and-snow-drenched furs. The acrid odor of burnt cooking fat, and the animal, not-unpleasant smell of dogs, diluted by time, hung in the air.

Lingering odors of machine oil contrasted sharply with the taint of harness dressing and leather. Yet, somehow, through all that reek of human beings and their associates—dogs, machines, and cooking—came another taint. It was a queer, neck-ruffling thing, a faintest suggestion of an odor alien among the smells of industry and life. And it was a life-smell. But it came from the thing that lay bound with cord and tarpaulin on the table, dripping slowly, methodically onto the heavy planks, dank and gaunt under the unshielded glare of the electric light.

Added to this, of course, would be the unmistakable smells of ejaculate and marijuana, for there is no way those men were stationed up there that long without masturbating. We see marijuana being smoked in the film, but the greenhouse that Childs (Keith David) and Palmer (David Clennon) tended was cut from the final release for a number of reasons.

John Carpenter's The Thing dog creature

The cast. It's difficult to convey just how perfect this ensemble is. Every character is perfectly cast, with each actor bringing pathos and realism to his role, thereby creating characters which feel thoroughly developed even though we only see them for a couple of days of their lives. R.J. MacReady (Kurt Russell) is a strong, no-nonsense, tough helicopter pilot with whom everyone wants to have a drink. Dr. Blair (Wilford Brimley) is the scientist able to put the good of Earth first. Dr. Copper (Richard Dysart), who is determined to help the Norweigans at the nearby camp, feels like a real doctor – and one that someone might actually want to visit. Skating cook Nauls (T.K. Carter) brings youth and freshness to a cast full of older men. Clark (Richard Masur), the dog handler, is more than sympathetic, and the audience truly feels his pain when the something happens to the dogs. Likewise Vance Norris (Charles Hallahan), George Bennings (Peter Maloney), Captain Garry (Donald Moffat), Fuchs (Joel Polis), and radio operator Windows (Thomas Waites) all seem like real people, people who might live next door or go to the same gym as you do.

The Siberian Huskies. Siberian Huskies are some of the most, if not the most, majestic and handsome dogs. While all of the Huskies in the film are well trained, Jed, who plays the lead Husky in the film, is the unequaled stand out. Jed was a wolf-dog hybrid, with the wolf side dominant, so his owner/trainer remained on set whenever Jed was being filmed. In fact, when Jed was acting, sets would be closed and this wolf intensity shows through as the Dog Thing, amping up the creep factor geometrically.

John Carpenter's The Thing Norweigan camp thing

John Carpenter's direction cannot be dismissed as it is what brought all these elements together to create the perfect horror movie. There is not a single note out of place, from Copper's nose ring and full frontal in the hall to Let's Make A Deal on videotape, from the Norwegians to the Huskies, and from MacReady to Garry to the Thing itself – this movie is a not only a phenomenal horror film, it's a damn good movie all the way around.

Over 9,000/10 claws – I don't even know how many times I have seen this movie. Stop reading right now and go watch John Carpenter's The Thing.

Over 9,000/10 claws – I don't even know how many times I have seen this movie. Stop reading right now and go watch John Carpenter's The Thing.

UPDATE: Looking over this months later, I realize that I paid no compliments to Rob Bottin's SFX in making John Carpenter's The Thing come to life. Bottin's efforts paid off and, in my book, are the measuring stick for creature SFX to many horror fans. Neither Carpenter nor Bottin received the credit they – and everyone involved in the production – deserved. The movie's status as cult favorite and must-have for fans of the genre or SFX in general has done little to erase the effects of the deeply mixed reactions of critics at release – at best it was dismissed and at worst it was panned. John Carpenter's The Thing was a film way ahead of its time.

Posted by Woofer McWooferson in MOVIE REVIEWS, REVIEWS, 0 comments
HALLOWEEN HORRORS: A Tale of Two Sisters (2003)

HALLOWEEN HORRORS: A Tale of Two Sisters (2003)

My First Foreign Horror Experience

By Margeaux DeMott

A_Tale_of_Two_Sisters_film copy

I was visiting family in New York when I first learned about A Tale of Two Sisters. We were walking through Manhattan when someone gave me a flier for it. The image on the flier was of two teen girls sitting on a bad ass antique couch in white dresses with blood all over them. Oh, and stern looking parents in the background. This immediately resonated with me as I was a teenage girl at the time, and all parents are stern when you're in that age range. I took one look at it and said to myself, “The second I get home I am looking this up”. So that's what I did - with the help of my favorite place, the Internet. A Tale of Two Sisters was the very first non-American horror film I had ever seen. Soon after I was watching as much foreign horror films as I possibly could, mostly of the Asian variety. I certainly enjoy the what-the-fuck-is-going-on aspect prevalent in their writing. A Tale of Two Sisters is my favorite simply because it was my first, and I still enjoy it to this day.

The movie starts off in a sanitarium where a girl is being interviewed by her doctor. Anyone who has seen a scary movie before knows what this means. Right off the bat you know something bad must have happened. What happened pre-movie isn't exactly revealed to you. All in due time. The interview girl is reunited with her sister and they get to go back home.

They go back to their emotionally-distant widowed father and their stepmom who all-around tries too hard. Step mom tries to toe the line between authoritarian and BFF-4-eva so hard that it is almost painful to watch. The movie really gets the awkward-angry tension feeling established in the house. As with most teens, they see the stepparent as less like a fun, new addition to the family and more like someone invited an angry hornet's nest to live with them.

The tension rises in the house and something else begins to show up. YUP, it's an angry spirit. It wouldn't be a psychological/supernatural horror film without one. A Tale of Two Sisters also contains an exceptionally slow monster terror build. I'm not really sure what else to call it, so I'm making this a thing now... You can come with me if you want. The slow monster terror build (or SMTB as I'm now calling it) is the part in a movie where you see the monster slowly, unnaturally, moving towards the camera. The monster/spirit hasn't revealed its face yet. It just slinks along disjointedly. You don't want to see its face because then it acknowledges you and now some fucked up shit is going to happen. Somehow this build-up makes it even more tense for me than a normal jump scares.

The action stays primarily in the home, with a scene or two outside by the lake. The settings are so beautiful that I want to live there. After all the bad ghosts or whatever is gone, of course. If you are a fan of SMTB a la Ju-on (The Grudge), or Ringu, then I highly suggest watching this film. I don't want to go further into it for risk of spoilers! A Tale of Two Sisters deserves a viewing from any horror fan!

2/2 Sisters

Posted by Margeaux DeMott in MOVIE REVIEWS, PARANORMAL, REVIEWS, 0 comments
HALLOWEEN HORRORS: Suspiria (1977)

HALLOWEEN HORRORS: Suspiria (1977)

SUSPIRIA

The Blue Iris Will Be The Death Of You

By Amy Mead

Suzy's arrival at the academy

Directed by Dario Argento
Written by Dario Argento and Daria Nicolodi
Starring: Jessica Harper, Stefania Casini, Joan Bennet, Barbara Magnolfi, Alida Valli and Udo Kier
and featuring a soundtrack by Goblin

If you call yourself a horror fan and have not seen the classic horror film Suspiria, I'd like to ask you what rock you've been living under and revoke your card immediately.

Suspiria is the first of the "Three Mothers" trilogy and while it is certainly not everyone's cup of tea, it is a film that I consider a requisite one to watch if you are indeed a true fan of horror. I myself am a HUGE fan of this film (and Dario Argento's work in general) but even if weren't, the cinematography and the soundtrack alone make the film worth watching. Suspiria truly is a technicolor dream come true.

There's a reason this film was, and still is considered some of Argento's best work. Though the trailer does not do the true vibrancy of the colors in the film any justice, it truly is a breathtaking sight that lends itself to the overall sense of creepiness and fear that is Suspiria. It is a nightmare brought to terrifying life. And the soundtrack? It's fucking unbelievable. The collaboration between Argento and Goblin in its creation is goddamn mind blowing and is synonymous with terror for many fans around the world.

Here's a brief rundown of the film: New student to prestigious Ballet school in Germany, Suzy Bannion, is an innocent and fresh faced young girl from America. She arrives at the school in the middle of a storm and right from the jump, things seem questionable. As she approaches the academy, she sees another girl fleeing the school, shouting over the wind and looking terrified. Suzy cannot gain access to the academy and is forced to spend the night in town.

Suzy's arrival at the academy

Soon after her arrival the next day, one strange thing after another begins to happen. At her first lesson, Suzy becomes ill and nearly faints after a weird run in with the cook. She is then "prescribed" a glass of wine with dinner every night (and let me tell you, this wine is some the nastiest wine I've ever fucking seen).

Shortly thereafter while preparing for dinner, the ceiling rains maggots upon all the girls, which is quickly explained away by rotten crates of food that were stored in the attic but it seems like something far more ominous (and disgusting) to Suzy and her friends. They are forced to sleep in the practice hall while the maggots are cleaned up and one of the girls hears and sees something she shouldn't have and soon after disappears.

Amidst a series of violent deaths and what appear to be sudden vanishings within the academy, Suzy soon become suspicious that there is something sinister behind it all. After her friend mysteriously "leaves" without warning, she begins to do some sleuthing on her own and she discovers that the academy was started by a suspected witch while talking to an acquaintance.

Suzy's discovery

She then has a series of flashbacks about the things the first victim was shouting over the wind and rain on the night she arrived. She recalls the girl shouting something about a secret and turning the blue Iris and she goes investigating, looking for it. She finds the Iris, turns it and a secret door opens, revealing the coven's secret lair. It damn near costs her her life. She hears the coven plotting her demise as she moves to another room. Here she discovers the coven's queen and is forced to kill her. Suzy narrowly escapes with her life as the academy begins to crumble from within and is seen bursting into flames...

As I stated earlier, Suspiria is not for everyone but it is definitely for me. There are many different reason I love this film. The first being that like many others, I consider it to be a freaking visual masterpiece and it still creeps me out to this day. Dark arts, witches and curses are kinda a phobia of sorts for me (be careful who you piss off!!).

The other is purely sentimental in that it gives me very fond memories of my younger brother, Clayton, who passed away eight years ago. I was the one that showed him his first Argento film and Suspiria scared the living shit out of that kid when he was just ten years old. That showing grew into a massive, mutual love of Argento and his body of work for both of us, but especially for my him. He was an even bigger fan than I am. Clayton's birthday was on Halloween, so watching it is a great way for me to remember and honor him now that he is gone.

If you have not yet seen, Suspiria (is this even possible?) I urge you to do so and see this technicolor masterpiece for yourself. Like right now. It is a must see and there's no better time for witches than the Halloween season and if you love it like I do, I recommend follow it up with Inferno and The Mother of Tears and complete the "The Three Mothers" trilogy!

I rate Suspiria 3/3 Mothers

Posted by Amy Mead in MOVIE REVIEWS, REVIEWS, 2 comments